Author: mosessupposesart

Dear Reader,

I apologize for taking so long to write. The school year got a bit busy and I have been giving myself time to mull over some pretty controversial topics and to take a journey of sorts to find Truth and where I am going to stand amidst the mess of this world and in the heated political climate we are currently experiencing. I was going to make this post about the conclusions I came to, but as it turns out my search for answers lead me in some pretty dizzying circles. The search for Truth has been a bit of a roller coaster and I’m still on the ride. So instead of telling you how I found all the answers, I’d like to tell you about my journey and welcome you to come with me on this ride.

This year I was blessed to have been heavily involved in two different campus communities, Women’s Studies and the Christian community. I was an intern in the Women’s Studies office and a member of both Athletes InterVarsity and Ratio Christi. I have to generalize these groups to make a point, but please know that I understand that each individual who exists in these communities has different ideas and values and I respect each and every one of them. In fact, I can’t even express in words how much these people mean to me and I love them all.

Women’s Studies and the Christian communities have a lot in common. First of all, they both recognize the brokenness in the world. They see hatred and lies, they see people hurting and feel the pain of that, and they won’t be silent about it. The amount of love that just radiates from the spaces they occupy is inspiring. There is also this eagerness, a hunger for change and a strong sense of community that I don’t think I have experienced anywhere else. So, it was pretty natural that I would find myself drawn to both of these communities. However, I have found that where people start to clash is in their answers to this brokenness, to the question “How can we fix this?”. It is because of these different ideas that I began to feel unstable in my position and I had to figure out why. So, I decided to investigate. Where are these ideas coming from and if our hearts seem to be in the same place and we are looking at the same broken world, why do we sometimes come to very different conclusions? And how do we know who is right?

I began meeting with a mentor every week to press into some of these areas and was shocked by what I was hearing and not really by what was being said, but that I actually agreed with some viewpoints I had never fully grasped previously. I have grown a lot from those talks and from discussions I have had with people in both communities. I may not have found all the answers I was searching for yet, but I have found great value in listening. I am currently reading a book, The Lost Art of Listening, by Michael P Nichols, Ph.D. and what I have learned is how vital listening is. Being listened to even from a young age gives us a sense of self esteem and intrinsic worth, it makes us feel valued and appreciated which empowers us throughout our lives. I wonder if that’s why so many of us turn to social media for validation; maybe it’s a substitute for not being truly listened to in our own personal lives. Maybe that’s why we love to see posts and watch videos centered around things we have experienced, because they provide a sense of validation. Certainly there must be some value in this. However, I think it points out a lack of genuine face to face communication that needs to be addressed. My hypothesis is that as we depend more on social media for validation, it becomes more difficult to see contradictory or triggering things in these spaces, leading to explosive comment sections and a breakdown of constructive debate. Add this to the fact that social media companies want you to come away from their platforms feeling good so you will keep coming back for more, and you get polarizing confirmation bias. If you keep hearing the same message over and over again it may create this illusion that the majority agrees with you and cut you off from hearing the other side. This in turn may make the “other side” seem ignorant to disagree with you.  However, you are seeing different information. You also come from different backgrounds and have had different experiences that have impacted you in different ways. At least that has been my personal experience and one of the reasons I was so shaken by what I was learning, because I guess I had never really  heard all sides clearly.

So although I don’t have all the answers yet, and I probably never will, I learned some vital lessons this semester. The first was to talk to people. I love You Tube and Google and Ted Talks and books; but I found the best way to learn about deeply personal issues like abortion, gender, sexuality, religion, race, and politics is to talk to people directly. You can hear their stories and their individual experiences and you have the opportunity to ask questions and really get to the heart of the matter. However, talking to people is hard and listening is even harder so here are a few tips:

1. Talk in a neutral setting where you are both comfortable (I love coffee shops even though I don’t like coffee, its a calm environment and they usually have pretty good pastry).
2. Go in with an open mind. If you really want to understand, it is counterproductive to go into the conversation with the goal of changing the other person’s mind. Maybe they will once they hear what you have to say, but that shouldn’t be at the heart of the conversation.
3. Take the time to clarify. Don’t automatically assume you know the other person’s position or that they know yours. Get on an even playing field from the start. For example, you might ask, “It is my understanding that you believe… is that correct?” And give them the chance to respond. You can turn it around too and ask, “What is it you think I believe?” Don’t interject if they are wrong, hear them out and then you can clarify afterwards. You may find that you don’t need to have a conversation after all. You can use this skill throughout the conversation as well. If they say something you disagree with, repeat what they said and tell them how you interpreted it so they can clarify if you misunderstood.
4. Don’t interject with what one of my professors would call, “inarticulate expressions of incredulity”. No gasping or eye rolling or “seriously?”. Those are conversation stoppers and show a lack of respect for the other person.
5. Read the cues. Know when the conversation is over and don’t drag it out. Chances are you won’t come to a nice agreement, but that doesn’t make the conversation any less valuable. The last thing you want to do is ruin your relationship with the other person. I personally think the best outcome with any conversation is to have the other person walk away feeling truly appreciated and listened to. Future conversations are likely to be much more positive this way.

The second thing I learned was to check my intake. What was I seeing on social media? What do my friend’s and professors and parents think and what are they telling me? Am I hearing various sides or am I a victim of confirmation bias? I then made a conscious effort to subscribe to people across a spectrum of ideas and to listen to them. This is really difficult to do and I am not great at it, but has been worth the effort for me.

I recommend the google extension PolitEcho (http://politecho.org/)  which can give you an analysis of how polarizing your Facebook news feed is. Also, http://libraryguides.unh.edu/fakeandfilter (not sure if non-students can access this?)

Lastly, I give myself time to process. I let myself “live in the grey areas” so to speak and really grow and come to my own conclusions. Mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health are no joke. You have to take care of yourself too. I can’t tell you how many times I have just wanted to turn away and just forget about politics and go back to being blissfully unaware of the fact that there are no easy answers to anything anymore, but this is part of growing up and I push on through.

There is a certain level of privilege that comes with the ability to do what I have done this semester, as there is with most things in life. However, that doesn’t devalue what I am trying to say. I know not everyone has the time, education, or resources that I have had and I know some issues are more painful and personal to press into than others. That’s okay, I only wish for you to start where you are in any little ways you can to search for answers to the questions you face in a way that is respectful and open to hearing various points of view. That’s really what this post is about. How do we break out of the boxes society wants to put us in and look for answers on our own rather than just accept what we are being told?

Our time on earth is limited; we are here and gone in an instant.

If you were to watch time go by from its beginning; you would blink and miss thousands of lives. I think understanding and accepting our own mortality is a good first step into truly living. It motivates us to make the most of the time we have without worrying about the fact that it is all going to end, because that is inevitable. I have made it a mission in life to make the most of my time by becoming as well-rounded as possible. This has been an amazing and successful journey but is not without its setbacks. While I reach out and grab every opportunity and learn a lot about myself along the way, I also spend time worrying about opportunities I let slip by and I don’t go as far in each endeavor as I might if my devotion to experiences was more focused. Don’t get me wrong; I love the thrill of a new challenge, but there is something to be said about devotion to a single activity. Take dance as an example. I will never get to be a professional dancer because, although I have danced for 15 years, I was distracted by school and sailing and skiing and art and writing and the list goes on and on. All of this is to say I did it again. I saw an opportunity the other morning at 8:00 am and after briefly consulting my family and a quick prayer, I decided to take it. I am not sure what I was expecting to come of a decision I made before I was consciously awake; but I certainly was surprised at the result.

This is how it went: I woke up early, it being the first week of classes and all, and turned on my phone to see what early risers might have messaged me while I was cocooned in a pile of blankets, hiding from the cold winter morning. There was an email in my inbox from the Women’s Studies (WS) department about an internship. Apparently the intern who was signed up had to turn it down and they were looking for someone else to fill the spot. The internship would be focused on social media and publishing. That sounded interesting to me so I set up an interview with the head of the department. Now, I am a freshman and have only taken two classes towards my minor in Social Justice and Leadership, neither of which happen to be actual classes in Women’s Studies. So, I can’t say I was excepting anything from the interview except the opportunity to see and talk to one of the nicest ladies I have met on campus; but I figured getting my face out there again couldn’t hurt as I would have to do a capstone project in the future if I didn’t get the internship now. I thought the interview went pretty well, but all day I was thinking about what I should have said and forgot. I never even passed along my resume that I had prepared. Before I went to bed I prayed that if it wasn’t meant to be that nothing would come of it, because I knew if I was accepted I would put my whole heart into it and that’s a lot of time and energy. The next morning as I sat down for my anatomy lecture I got the email and the internship.

Now my life is taking an unexpected turn, the roller-coaster is moving and I can’t jump off.

I took the opportunity and now I’m holding onto my firm foundation in Jesus for dear life; thrilled and hoping I made the right choice, but knowing He is there for me whatever comes.

Here is my point: Go For It! whoever you are and whatever it is you dream to do. Please, don’t tell yourself you can’t do something. Even if all the odds are stacked against you and it seems like you have no chance; you never know what people are looking for. They may be looking for someone just like you. So if you’re passionate about something, don’t put yourself down at the starting line.

There are plenty of people out there who will try to drag you down and put doubt in your heart and you don’t need to be one of them. I am rooting for you!

P.S. In my experiences it has always been worth it to try new things even if you  don’t think you will enjoy them. The worst that usually happens is finding out you don’t like something after all and hey, at least you learned something. Last night I went to my first UNH hockey game and, even though I have never been into sports, I found myself moved by the crowed and the music and ended up having a really good time. Part of that had to do with the fact that I told my friend I wanted the band to play the imperial march when they came on the ice to intimidate the other team, and they actually played it when the other team made penalties. Needless to say, my nerdy side was overjoyed. I had a great night and although I probably won’t be sitting in the stands for every game; if someone asked I would definitely go again.

When you go to the store to buy a pair of shoes and they don’t fit, you don’t blame your foot for being too big or too small. It’s the shoes that are the problem, so you try on another pair and another until you find one that works for you.People with disabilities are like feet that don’t fit the shoes they have been given. To live with a disability is to live in a world of barriers; obstacles that make your daily life more difficult, often unnecessarily, because of an environment that wasn’t designed for you.

To live with a disability is to live in a world of barriers; obstacles that make your daily life more difficult, often unnecessarily, because of an environment that wasn’t designed for you.

These barriers can be physical like stairs instead of ramps, tables and counters that are too tall to reach, or icy sidewalks that are dangerous to use; but they can also be social, like the way people treat you, and the opportunities you are provided for recreation and employment.

People have a wide range of abilities and different people experience different barriers. I personally do not face many barriers because I was born into a financially stable family that provided me many opportunities to learn and grow, and gave me a sense of security and self-esteem. I have thus-far been able to access almost all of the different environments I desire to and have no challenges moving around my home and my town. Why? Because every place I have been in my 18 years has been designed for me. However, it was not designed with varying levels of ability in mind. Lets look at some examples. I took dance classes for 15 years and for most of those years I took multiple classes. As you can imagine, it wasn’t cheap. However, dance provided me with an outlet which decreased my stress and helped with my grades. I learned a new skill and met new friends. Dance also helped me get into theater, another activity I enjoyed that gave me a sense of identity and community. If my family had not had the money to send me to dance class or if I had not been allowed to attend because of my abilities, those would have been barriers outside my control, keeping me from those experiences. Here’s another example: my middle school was a rather old building sitting atop a hill. To access the side door, I would walk up the often snowy or muddy hill from the bus every morning carrying a 20 lb backpack. If I wanted to go in the front door there were stairs to climb as well. This was exhausting, but manageable. However, if I had had any difficulty with mobility, this would have been a real problem and restricted my access to an education. Because of laws that require public facilities to be accessible, there was a back entrance with a ramp; but you still had to cross an uneven sidewalk and have someone open the doors as they were not, to my knowledge, automatic. This is not okay. Not only does it make things more difficult, but it stigmatizes people with disabilities by making them come in the back of the building. Things didn’t improve much once you got inside. I can remember the hallways in the morning, crowded with kids struggling to shove their belongings in tiny lockers and slam them quick before an avalanche of wadded up paper came tumbling to the floor. It was chaotic, loud, and cramped. You couldn’t get through without bumping into people. If you were sensitive to any of these potentially overwhelming stimuli, this would have been a stressful thing to go through at 8 am and if you used an assistive device, almost impossible to navigate through. I went to the school for three years and yet I never noticed these barriers, because I fit right into this chaotic environment. The shoes fit. Now, I don’t blame the administration or the town for this problem, in fact I hold them in high regard. I do, however, see the need for a shift in the way society views disability.

When you look back at the history of the treatment of people with disabilities, we have actually come a long way. . In ancient Egypt and ancient Rome people with disabilities were kept around for amusement, traded as gifts, and brought out so they could be publicly mocked and humiliated (Bullock & Mahon, 2010, 20). Later, “Institutions became the instruments for the facilitation of social death. Through a presumed scientific status, care for people with disability became …predicated on notions of tragedy, burden and helpless dependency” (Clapton & Fitzgerald, 2014). Then, of course we can’t forget forced sterilization and the systematic killing during WWII (Black, 2003). I don’t mean to belittle the struggles people face today, I only want to point out the possibility for real lasting change, change that you have the power to influence.

I don’t mean to belittle the struggles people face today, I only want to point out the possibility for real lasting change, change that you have the power to influence.

How? I’m glad you asked.

1. Educate yourself. Learn about all the different abilities that are out there. Watch videos where people talk about their own experiences. —–> http://attitudelive.com/, Ted Talks, The Clarity Project, documentaries like Autism In Love by Matt Fuller, etc. Take a class on disabilities. Talk to someone who has a disability. Oh, and watch the Paralympics and the Special Olympics and know the difference.
2. Promote Person-First Language. When you talk about someone, it isn’t necessary to mention their disabilities; just like you wouldn’t say “Clumsy Joe”, because it’s not polite. If you are going to mention someone’s disabilities, always put the noun before the disability. For example, say “the girl with autism” rather than “the autistic girl”. Also, avoid words like “differently-able” or “handicap-able” that may be patronizing. (Actually, avoid any form of the word “handicapped”. I have been told the term originated from “hand-in-cap” which described people with disabilities who were forced to beg on the streets.) Person first language is a good rule of thumb, but if you are talking about someone in particular and you can find out how they would like you to refer to their disability; that is even better because everyone has their own opinions on the language surrounding ability
3. Be respectful. This is kind of a given, but let’s get more specific.
   • Respect personal space
   • Avoiding talking down to people (if they are in a wheelchair you may be able to sit in a chair so you are at eye level)
   • Don’t talk in a patronizing way (if they are an adult, address them the way their age dictates)
   • If they are with someone else, you should still address them directly
   • Ask before you try and help them. Chances are they can manage on their own
   • Not everyone is an inspiration. People are people, disability doesn’t change that. Yes there are people with disabilities who are inspiring, but just having a disability doesn’t make them that.
   • Don’t feel sorry for people with disabilities. Many people are proud to be a part of the disabled community and their disability is an important part of who they are.
4. Promote universal design. Universal design makes things more accessible to EVERYONE and honestly it just makes sense. Curb cuts are a good example, they help people with luggage, people pushing strollers, people in wheelchairs, and people with shopping carts all access the sidewalk easier. Yes, they help people with disabilities, but they also help pretty much everyone else too. Designing our communities to be accessible to everyone is vital to providing equal opportunities to all.

Bibliography

Bullock, C. C., & Mahon, M. J. (2010). History of treatment of people with disabilities. In                C.C. Bullock, M. J., Mahon, & C. L. Killingsworth (Eds.), Introduction to recreation                  services for people with disabilities: A person-centered approach (pp.17-36).                            Champaign, IL: Sagamore Publishing.

Black, E. (2003). The horrifying American roots of Nazi Eugenics. War Against the Weak:
Eugenics and America’s Campaign to Create a Master Race. New York: New York:                   Thunder’s
Mouth Press/Avalon Publishing Group.

Clapton, J., Fitzgerald, J. (2014). The history of disability: A history of ‘otherness.’ New             Renaissance Magazine (Renaissance Universal). Retrieved                                                          from  http://www.ru.org/index.php/humanrights/315-thehistory-of-disability-          a-         history-of       otherness

P.S. I just found this quote and it’s perfect: “If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?” – Gloria Steinem
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/gloria_steinem_3.html

The fire is crackling in the wood-stove and the clock is ticking, but the house is quiet. Christmas is over, the presents are unwrapped echoes of the bustling morning excitement. And me? I’m just full to overflowing in love and peace. Normally I might sing or dance or play guitar, but tonight I sit by the warm fire in the soft glow of Christmas lights, pull my knees to my chest and pray. I tell my Heavenly Daddy about my day. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful family that loves me, and friends near and far that care about me. Sure, today had its ups and downs; It wasn’t perfect, but it was spent with family and that’s what is important to me. I go to the couch and lay down, just letting the feeling cover me like a warm blanket and I gaze into the tree in the corner. It looks at home there, like it’s been there forever. Its boughs hold the weight of a lifetime of memories and I drift into the past. It feels as if the glowing pulse running in my veins has been tinted blue; a little melancholy looking back at what used to be and is no more. I begin to realize, not for the first time, how quickly time passes by. The clock keeps ticking away gently on the wall. Our lives are ephemeral, just a blink in the whole of time, and again I feel blessed to have the opportunity to enjoy these few passing moments. They may be insignificant and fleeting, but they are a gift from my Daddy and I want to cherish them for as long as I can; because someday I’ll be gone and so will they. I was going to write them down, to tell you about the Christmases we spent in New York at my grandparent’s house. We would go skiing and ice skating and come home rosy-cheeked to warm Christmas eve dinners; but the thing is, these memories are priceless. There aren’t words to describe them, and I could never do justice to the way they make me feel. The closest I can come is to say that I feel loved. These aren’t just memories, they are little hugs from heaven that say “I love you”, “Look! I love you so much”. Sometimes it’s hard to hear my Heavenly Father. Sometimes I’m not listening, but when I wake up in the morning and the sun is shining, I recognize that feeling; I have felt it before when I saw the sunrise on the beach with my dad, when I watched my mom doing dishes and the soap bubbles floated up and danced with the dust, when my sister came in my room and jumped on my bed and told me to wake up and see what Santa brought her; it’s the feeling of love, and I know He is near. Merry (day after) Christmas everybody!